Category Archives: El Santo vs the Vampire Women
Well, folks, it’s time to wrap up “El Santo vs. The Vampire Women” month. I reckon that, by now, you’re downright sick of any ladies with pointy canine. You are very tempted to wash out your mouth with listerine because you can almost taste the hemoglobin. You are tempted to say, “Santo, vampire women suck! And that is totally not a pun about them being vampires … or a double entendre, for that matter!”
Such is the menace of the vampire women. Their powers warp the minds of mere mortals.
In case you’re just tuning in, here’s a list of webcomics featuring vampire women that I covered in the month of October:
- Eerie Cuties – vampire schoolgirls have all the fun!
- School Bites – vampire schoolgirls are on the run!
- Annyseed – vampire schoolgirls …um … need some sun?
- Juliette: Worst Vampire Ever – vampire schoolgirls something something hot cross buns.
- Abandon: First Vampire – the vampire Lara Croft.
- Blood Bound – a vampire girl and her dog.
- Danielle Dark – real vampire women of Indianapolis!
- Last Res0rt – space furry vampires.
- My Immortal – vampire schoolgirls being handed a gun! By Lord Voldemort!
To coin a phrase that a famed mathematician of vampiric descent once said: “Nine! Nine
webcomics about vampire women! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!” *thunder, lightning*
So what did we learn from this experience?
Vampire women — despite doing creepy things like breaking into your house, talking to shrubbery, playing in reality shows, and eating Count Chocula drenched in human blood — are no different than you or me. They have urges, dreams, and a nasty habit of living for up to two to three millennia. Get to know your vampire women. There are many kinds. They range from schoolgirls to girls who go to school. In the best case scenario, befriending your local vampire can win you a powerful ally in the inevitable vampire armageddon. But, if all else fails, go ahead an stake them through the heart.
So where does El Santo go now?
Shall I do battle with mummies?
The Diabolical Axe?
More vampire women?
Perhaps all of them at once?
Only time will tell, mi amigos. Until next time, viva la raza.
A couple of shout outs to a couple of webcomics I had considered covering but for some reason or other didn’t make the cut:
- Bite Me! – This famous webcomic by Dylan Meconis deals with a group of vampires who live during the French Revolution. While the cover does show a vampire woman waving the French flag to lead the revolt, it turns out that this webcomic was more of an ensemble piece. The ironclad rule that I set for myself must not be broken!
- Youngbloods – I know what you’re thinking, but no… this isn’t that one superhero comic where beefy guys with no feet have names like “Badrock” and “Riptide.” This does, in fact, feature a vampire woman. There aren’t many webcomics featuring Black characters in the main character role. There are even fewer webcomics with a predominantly African American cast. Which is why Youngbloods caught my eye: it featured a young Black girl in the inner city caught up in a violent vampire gang war. I only found out about it this week, though, and at 188 pages I didn’t think I’d be able to read through the whole webcomic before October was through.
Who’s That Girl?
If you were wondering who the gal in my makeshift “El Santo vs. The Vampire Women” banner was,
wonder no longer. She is wrestling valet Shelly Martinez. When Shelley was in the indies, she went as “Halloween Barbie,” who I assumed was a vampire. I never watched her in action the, so I can’t confirm or deny, though. WWE fans remember her as the vampire Ariel, who debuted as a valet to Kevin Thorn. It’s this gimmick that’s being portrayed in the banner pic. She was also seen in TNA Wrestling playing the part of Salina, who was not a vampire. Recently, she quit that role to star in some Italian movies. Wrestling star and movie star? Sounds like she’s having a very El Santo career.
… thank you, everyone, for checking out the “El Santo vs. The Vampire Women” series. I’d like to think I introduced quite a few of the lesser known webcomics out there for folks who are in the mood for horror… even though most of the time it was the lighter side of horror. It’s an experiment I wouldn’t mind repeating again.
Interestingly, while searching out comics featuring vampire women, I ran across a comment on Websnark where the poster mentioned that he was surprised that there weren’t many vampire comics. That was probably true when he posted back in 2007. Nowadays, though, we got vampire comics coming out the wazoo! And with vampire in media going through a huge resurgence, there’s probably more to come.
And well, since this is Halloween, here’s a bonus video. I’d considered posting the trailer for the movie “Santo vs. The Vampire Women.” However, luchador movies are actually very difficult to watch, even for fans of bad movies like myself. The trailer was just a bunch of vampire women slowly emergine from their coffins and blinking menacingly. It’s very appropriate for this month’s theme, but it’s also very boring.
Trust me… this video is much more awesome by several magnitudes. It features luchadors (namely La Parka, the overweight luchador who dresses up as a skeleton), sexy women, and the Thriller (complete with Michael Jackson impersonator):
My Immortal, a webcomic by someone who goes by Chazie, stars a vampire named Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way. I know what you’re thinking, but no… despite the name, Ebony Way is not a person of African descent. In fact, she is very pale. Ebony is a seventeen-year-old vampire, and like many vampires her age, she loves Hot Topic and dresses in a black corset, fishnets, and combat boots.
Also, she goes to school in England. Namely, a little place called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
As the “real” Harry Potter himself explains at the beginning of the webcomic, My Immortal is a fanfiction. Or rather, it is based on a notoriously bad fanfiction written by xxxbloodyrists666xxx. So, yes, dear reader, for my concluding “El Santo vs. The Vampire Women” review, you are in fact reading a post written by El Santo about a webcomic created by Chazie based on a fan fiction written by xxxbloodyrists666xxx which in turn was based on a series written by J. K. Rowling. Will you find any other review with this many levels of absolute raw talent? I think not!
My Immortal: The Comic — not to be confused with My Immortal: The Fanfic, My Immortal: The Song, or My Immortal: the Actual Immortal — has thus far serialized Chapters 1 through 9 of the original 22 Chapter fanfic. (EDIT: I was wrong. It turns out the original is a whopping 44 chapters.) While this sounds like dumptrucks full of fanfic, Chazie limits each chapter to one page. The truncated storytelling eliminates a few essential story elements (my favorite being Dumbledore yelling, “They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!”), but for the most part, what you read in the fanfic is what you see in the story … with a few MST3K-like modifications to help My Immortal go down easy.
The creatively spelled Last Res0rt is probably the oddest vampire woman-themed webcomics I’ve come across. First of all, our main character, who has the unlikely name of Jigsaw Forte, isn’t just a vampire woman … she’s a furry vampire woman. What sort of animal she represents is not apparent, though most characters here seem to be some sort of hybrid chimera. Second of all, the webcomic takes place in a science fiction setting. Finally, it’s a bout a reality show where prisoners have to fight each other for their chance at freedom. So, in summary, it’s a sci-fi/horror webcomic about a reality show starring a furry female vampire. And also sailor scouts. It’s almost like creator Rachel Keslensky put all her interests into a blender, pressed the “Puree” button, and boom, there’s Last Res0rt.
The story starts with Jigsaw applying for the position of “Executioner,” who keep the criminals in check during the game (a reality show called “Last Resort”). Cypress, a crocodile lady with pretty hair and the show’s producer, has her doubts. Jigsaw doesn’t look like much, being a member of a harmless looking species that looks like a cross between a house cat and an Ewok. The only thing she has in her favor is a guitar case, which everyone assumes contains a gun of some sort.
Cypress changes her mind, though, when she catches Jigsaw’s extreme case of red-eye. It is not, as you may expect, a result of too much chlorine in the pool, but is one of the surefire indicators of vampirism.
Danielle Dark, a webcomic by Jay Bradley, starts with our title character leaving the romantic, scenic, and culturally inventive city of San Francisco for a city that’s pretty much the polar opposite: Indianapolis. And with how well the Colts are doing, who can blame her? And, uh … there’s the Indy 500? (Holy crap, I just realized a racecar driving vampire on the Indy circuit would be a great idea for a webcomic!)
Danielle must move because if she stays in one place too long, someone might notice that she doesn’t age and you can only use the “plastic surgery” excuse so many times (though I’d think that would apply more to SoCal than the Bay Area). And with the emergence of Web 2.0, she has to be more vigilant about secrecy than ever.
Danielle however is taking a risk going to Indianapolis because she’s been there before. There’s a chance she might run into someone who recognizes her. But the city also has old friends. She runs into an couple of long-lived witch acquaintances at a Warlock’s Coffee (snarf snarf), where carrying a punch card means you are one of the damned. These witches practice White Magic, which makes them the Jedis of the haunted community. There’s Berniece, who is 470 years old and Talia, who’s 650 years old, takes Danielle in, and wears unholy gobs of Tammy Faye Baker clown make-up.
While not as old — compared to her friends, Danielle is young at 150 years — Indianapolis’ ties are strengthened by powerful memories. Once upon a time, she grew up tall and she grew up right as an Indiana girl on an Indiana night. This was the city where she was first turned into a vampire. This was the city where her husband was murdered.
Most practitioners of vampire fiction have deal with a sticky situation: how do you make vampires sympathetic when they’re murderers, cannibals, and rapists? Most sidestep the issue completely by creating vampires who prefer chocolates, vegetables, or synthetic blood substitutes. Others have their vampires drink prepackaged blood or emphasize that their victims don’t really die. And then there’s the ones whose vampires acknowledge that they can’t control their hunger, but devote their lives to hunting down and destroying their own kind, Daywalker style.
Then there’s the rare ones who write their vampires act exactly like how they should traditionally behave: demonic creatures who kill with neither pity nor remorse. Not surprisingly, the protagonists of these tales are pretty much the most despicable characters around. But hey, you’ve at least gotta credit Blood Bound for pulling no punches.
Before I start, I should tell you that, in all likelihood, Blood Bound is some sort of fetish comic. All the links in this review should be assumed Not Safe For Work. Also, Not Safe for Children. Now, I’m not exactly sure what fetish is being addressed here, but there’s a lot of boobies, one instance of a girl getting chained up naked and whipped, a few scenes where guys get humped to death, and one or two images of anthropomorphic-dog-on-woman action.
We begin our story with Laila McCarthy and her trusty pal Kimmy on the run from a crack squadron of the world’s most metrosexual vampires. When they finally corner the two girls, it turns out that they have a fairly reasonable request for Professor Laila: translate two tablets of hieroglyphics, or the girl gets it. Laila, instead, goes for Option C. Short of telling the guys that the tablets belong in a museum and not being a big fan of fellas with frosted tips, she hacks her attackers down with a big ol’ samurai sword. Hey, what’s the use of carrying a sword around if you’re never gonna use it?
The battle won, Laila turns her attention to the tablets. The writing turns out to be a love story between two ancient Sumerian demons. Their forbidden love, we later find out, is predicted to bring about the end of time. After some gratuitous girl-on-girl action (which is, tastefully, left mostly to the imagination), Laila becomes pensive.
For, you see, she may be mild mannered professor Laila McCarthy to her friends and colleagues, but in real life she is none other … *gasp* … Lamashtu, the first vampire!
Abandon: First Vampire is written Greg Carter and illustrated by Elliot Dombo. If the first name sounds familiar, it’s because Greg is a frequent visitor on this site. Not only has Greg been very illuminating on the subject of creating vampire fiction, he was also very gracious to include a link to this blog on his site’s Links page. While I’m tempted to go easy, there’s a reason this feature is called “El Santo Vs. The Vampire Women” and not “El Santo Takes The Vampire Women Out to the Chocolatiers for Fun Times.”
So if the last few entries of “El Santo vs. The Vampire Women” have had you feeling like a pedophile, I offer you a deep apology. It really is not that easy finding comics about vampire women where the main character doesn’t look like a preteen. That’s pretty much the case, at least, with any webcomic where the styles bear overtly Japanese influences. To find stories with more mature looking vampire ladies, we have to turn our attention overseas.
OK, so technically the protagonist of Juliette: Worst Vampire Ever is still in high school. You wouldn’t know it by looking at her, though. She looks like she’s being played by someone over 25.
Zuda Comics seems to be committed to becoming DC Comics’ reigning horror division. So it should be no surprise that a lot of the Zuda contestants take the horror route as well. Juliette is but one of many examples residing in the vast grave yard that is the Zuda former competitors archives. The comic didn’t fare well in the Zuda competition, finishing tenth place in its group. It hasn’t surfaced anywhere else online since its loss, so the continuation of this particular webcomic series may be in doubt. It was created by Cedric Poulat, a French artist who specialized in really nice cheesecake illustrations of popular superheroines. Oh, Zatanna… you can shuffle my deck anytime.
Getting tired of all these reviews of chibi-vampires? Too bad. El Santo cares not about your weariness over comics where the girls have eyes as big as saucers and dress like they only shop at Hot Topic … or designed to appear at at shirt in Hot Topic. Chibi-vampires are gold. Chibi-vampires are boffo. When it comes to vampire women, there is only one dominant strain … the otaku strain … and its examples are legion. There’s Annyseed, for example, a webcomic written by U.K. artist Stuart J. Brown.
In fact, Annyseed is so otaku that it even comes with its own kanji subtitle. How hardcore is that? I will admit, though, that this is a slightly incongruous detail since the story takes place in The Isle of Skye … which looks, more or less, like the British Isles. Celtic runes would’ve been more appropriate.
Although she looks like she’s a pre-teen, Annyseed, our title character, is much older. She became a vampire at an early age, which permanently stunted her physical maturity at the age of 15. We join her in the modern day. Trust me: despite presence of decrepit buildings and characters wearing clothes straight out of Oliver Twist, her diary entry, as well as the bare midriffs on teenager girls, places this comic in 2009. This makes Annyseed 70 years old and eligible for social security if she were a human.