Category Archives: Crabcake Confidential

Crabcake Confidential: Amazing Spider-Man: President’s Day Special

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Abraham Lincoln. Whether or not you agree with his policies, Barack Obama made the right choice when he chose Abraham Lincoln as his role model. You can’t really say anything bad about a man who stuck by his principles so closely that he died for his country. Unless you’re some sort of Johnny Reb, you’d be hard-pressed to name anyone else who’d be regarded as the Greatest US President. The thing that doesn’t get mentioned often enough is that Mr. Lincoln was a wiry guy who, in his younger days, liked to wrestle on his free time. I’d like to think that the classic debates with Stephen Douglas were punctuated by an impromptu no-holds barred match.

Spider-Man. Peter Parker by day, crime-fighter by night. Friendly. Neighborhood. Friend of his Aunt May, Gwen Stacy, and the Human Torch. Enemy of Norman Osborn, The Shocker, and J. Jonah Jameson. Radioactive bug bites turn him into a superhero. Alien symbiotes turn him into a super emo. Recently, a deal with the devil effectively dissolved his marriage to wife Mary Jane, much to the confusion of everyone following along in the newspaper funnies section.

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These two heroes, along with Captain America, are finally united in the Amazing Spider-Man: President’s Day Special. (Interestingly, this looks to be the Steve Rogers Captain America, who’s technically still dead. But then again, so is Lincoln, so who am I to talk?) In celebration of President’s Day, the comic is available free online at the Marvel Unlimited site. Yeah, it’s only a six page long story. The rest is a reprint of that over-hyped “Spider-Man meets President Obama” comic. From a comic standpoint, this is the equivalent of those cavity-fighter pamphlets you get at your dentist’s office. So why in the heck should I even give it a look?
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Crabcake Confidential: Nerf Now!!

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Ah, Japan. It’s the only country in the world that can turn anything into a teenage girl. Most people would find no inspiration beyond pure academic purposed in, say, the Nazi Luftwaffe. But you know some intrepid Japanese anime out that is saying to himself, “Yes, I CAN see dewy eyes and perky, barely covered lady lumps in that Messerschmitt Bf109.” Or, “God, I seriously don’t care how much we piss off China! I simply must make girls out of their air force!”

Judging from his name, I assume that Josué Pereira is not from The Land of the Rising Sun. Yet his webcomic, Nerf Now!!, is undoubtedly a love letter to Japan’s glorification of the adolescent woman.


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Crabcake Confidential: I Can Has Cheezburger?

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I know I’ve been very hard on a certain webcomic. I’ve been trashing it every chance I’ve gotten. I’ve called it a glorified caption contest. I’ve lampooned its readers as lonely middle-aged women whose houses reek with the mixture of potpourri, yarn, kitty litter, and fancy feasts. But there’s no denying that, according to some people, it’s the world’s most popular webcomic.

What kind of site would this be if it didn’t cover the big guns? That would be like Sporting News refusing to cover the New England Patriots, or the CNN/MSNBC/Fox News trifecta exclusively covering that darling young upstart, Ron Paul. It’s the type of lax coverage that would cause people to snicker and snort and say things like, “That El Santo fellow is fine reviewer, but he’s no serious reviewer at all. What a lark! I shall take my business elsewhere, what say to that jovial Websnark fellow. Tally-ho!”

Needless to say, that is a scenario will haunt me to my dying day until I put my foot down and rectify the situation immediately. That’s right, it’s time I take a serious look at the online sensation that sweeping the nation — nay, the world — I Can Has Cheezburger?


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Crabcake Confidential: A Fine Example

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What do you get when you have a webcomic that features … get this … both pirates AND zombies? Bet you didn’t guess “a surreal, stream of consciousness comic with subtle, absurdist humor.” But that’s what you get with Brian James’ very strange series, A Fine Example.


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Crabcake Confidential: The World of Roodie Doodie

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The mad science of random ratings continues! Today’s Crabcake Confidential looks at a webcomic review request sent to me some months ago, “The World of Roodie Doodie,” a webcomic written and illustrated by a guy named Roodie Doodie. (But really, isn’t it quite cruel of his parents to name him Roodie if Doodie was already an odd sounding surname?)


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Crabcake Confidential: Beachnuts

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When you start a website about webcomics, it’s inevitable that you’re going to get a bunch of requests from webcomic creators asking you to review their comic. There are some bloggers who openly mock such requests, calling the creators out for their pathetic self-promotion.

I take another stand. I sympathize with the webcomic creators. It’s tough to get new viewers when the internet boasts thousands of webcomics and millions more distractions. Heck, I struggle to get viewers to this blog, and I get a shiny, happy feeling when it gets linked on ComixTalk or other reputable webcomic sites. So when requests started trickling in, I was up to doing a few requests. Besides, everyone who sent a link asked nicely, and that counts for a lot.

There’s a small problem, though. How do I rate these reviews? What if I truly felt a webcomic was terrible and I gave it a low rating? Doesn’t that seem kinda low since the creator was nice enough to send a link to their comic along? And if I rated the comic too high, I would be forever wondering if I compromised the integrity of my review just to be nice. What kind of person would I be if I liked everything I reviewed? Probably Roger Ebert, but that’s beside the point.

So I came up with an innovative solution: the rating will be totally arbritary … like the name of this feature. Oh, it probably will have something to do with what I felt about the webcomic, but the meaning will be so vague and enshrouded in mystery that you could probably debate what I really meant. It’s all very zen and post-modern. Perhaps you can tell how I felt about a webcomic by the text of the review itself. This is the internet, though, where amateur reviewers tend to be crass about a movie or game that they liked … just because it’s funny to complain (supposedly). So when I start rambling like a grouchy old war vet, am I being truly vicious or am I just trying to be the next Yahtzee Croshaw?

It’s a core duality that powers my art. That’s, like, deep … I think. Hopefully, one day some college student will reference this post in their Senior thesis, “Metaphysical Methods for Reviewing Webcomics,” using words like “avuncular” and “egregious.”

So the inaugural “Crabcake Confidential” is about Beachnuts, a comedy webcomic by Mike Vincelli about surfer culture. “Beachnuts” is to surfing what “Penny Arcade” is to videogames, which is to say that it’s burns with a dangerously obsessive passion. I’m no surfer myself, so I essentially viewed this webcomic as an anthropological guide to the surfer lifestyle.
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