Not too long ago, the internet erupted in a frothy rage when it was revealed that there was going to be a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, and that it would be produced by … Michael Bay. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Michael Bay? The man who directed Meat Loaf’s video for ‘I Would Do Anything For Love’? Does this mean we’ll have a sewer festooned in silk curtains and romantic candlelight? Because that would be awesome!”

Alas, it seems that was not to be. The news kept getting more dispiriting the more we heard of it. That whole thing about them being mutants? Ridiculous. Instead, they’re going to be aliens. In fact, the title was going to be shortened to just “Ninja Turtles,” which means that the “teenage” part might be up for grabs, too. And fans turned on it in droves. Despite having a script that was written, in part, by Turtles co-creator Kevin Eastman, Michael Bay found his kryptonite. Paramount shut down production and delayed the release date by a year for retooling.

While he convinced the world that Optimus Prime had a mouth and that Bumblebee was some sort of mute, Bay could not convince the world that the turtles were anything but those four lovable weirdos who live in the sewer. That’s because, by and large, we love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Read the rest of this entry →