El Santo vs. The Vampire Women: Annyseed

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Getting tired of all these reviews of chibi-vampires? Too bad. El Santo cares not about your weariness over comics where the girls have eyes as big as saucers and dress like they only shop at Hot Topic … or designed to appear at at shirt in Hot Topic. Chibi-vampires are gold. Chibi-vampires are boffo. When it comes to vampire women, there is only one dominant strain … the otaku strain … and its examples are legion. There’s Annyseed, for example, a webcomic written by U.K. artist Stuart J. Brown.

In fact, Annyseed is so otaku that it even comes with its own kanji subtitle. How hardcore is that? I will admit, though, that this is a slightly incongruous detail since the story takes place in The Isle of Skye … which looks, more or less, like the British Isles. Celtic runes would’ve been more appropriate.

Although she looks like she’s a pre-teen, Annyseed, our title character, is much older. She became a vampire at an early age, which permanently stunted her physical maturity at the age of 15. We join her in the modern day. Trust me: despite presence of decrepit buildings and characters wearing clothes straight out of Oliver Twist, her diary entry, as well as the bare midriffs on teenager girls, places this comic in 2009. This makes Annyseed 70 years old and eligible for social security if she were a human.

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The Harvey Awards: NASCAR Heroes loses

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So while a lot of webcomics were nominated at the Harveys, only High Moon (reviewed here) managed to walk away with an award… specifically the “Best On-Line Comics Work” Award. Congratulations to Scott O. Brown, David Gallaher, and Steve Ellis!

In the greatest upset, NASCAR Heroes #5 loses the Best Single Issue or Story Award to Y: The Last Man. Too bad, Matt Cassan, but it’s not easy to win the award the year the last issue of Y: The Last Man gets released. Maybe next year!

(Yeah, that was a little tongue in cheek. But you know something? I would’ve actually thrown a minor party if NASCAR Heroes did win! Go, underdogs!)

Also, as a big fan of both All-Star Superman and Fables, I was very pleased to see the first win Best Writer and Best Continuing or Limited Series while the latter snagged James Jean an award for Best Cover Artist.

El Santo vs. The Vampire Women: School Bites

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Names carry with them the heavy weight of expectations. Say your name is Charlotte Webb, like the heroine of School Bites. Surely you should be spending your days hanging around in the rafters of some barnyard and spinning words like “radiant” or “some pig.” Not so with Charlotte. Perhaps that was her destiny, but it all changed that fateful day she she found out she was a vampire.

This may be why she changes her name to Cherri Creeper. Sure, it still sounds like she should be a rollergirl with the Yakima Valley Vixens instead, but it can passably be a vampire’s name, too. Plus she’s got a cherry embroidered in her t-shirt. That counts for something.

Speaking of names, School Bites is written by Holly Golightly, who by all rights should be a Bond Girl rather than a comic book creator. I was delighted to find out that Ms. Golightly already had a few comics in print, most with gothic overtones: Nightmare Theatre, Archie Comics’ Sabrina, and Vampfire. When not drawing comic books, she’s apparently living the life and dressing up in skull tees like a real life Abby Scuito (and I think I just might get my ass kicked with that last comment). According to her site, Ms. Golightly also likes to be referred to as “Holly G”, which I won’t be using in this review unless it’s preceded with “The Divine.”

Personal preferences.

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El Santo vs. The Vampire Women: Eerie Cuties

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We open Eerie Cuties with a segment called “EC Intro.” I had hoped would be an homage to EC Comics but instead turns out to just mean “Eerie Cutie Intro.” Quelle dommage. A kid, who sorta looks like a young Duke from GI Joe, gets chased around by two cute vampire teenagers in jailbait miniskirts who look like they should be at a convention for magical girl manga cosplayers.

The taller, raven-haired girl is named Layla. She also wears an exasperated look 24-7, to the point that I think a permanent giant sweat drop should be attached to her head next to her living skull barrette. Before you can say you’ve got a natural, natural, natural desire to meet an actual, actual, actual vampire, Layla digs her fangs into young Duke for a morning snack.

Of course, the bite is not fatal. (It’s tough to sympathize with vampires when they’re being emotionally manipulative mass murderers.) Bites only induce a temporary coma and a bout of memory loss. However, Nina, her purple-haired sister and the star of Eerie Cuties, still plays the part of the noble vampire: she never sups on human blood, only cherry filled chocolates. So while Nina is at low risk of contracting trichinellosis, she does run a high risk of Type 2 Diabetes.

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Reviewer to watch out for: Quixoticirony

Meagan and Sarah of Quixoticirony typically use their blog to review books. It’s pretty much their shared passion — between the two, there’s an English major, a Pacific Literature thesis, and a Mass Media Communications major. It looks like they’re going to be spending some time talking about their favorite webcomics. Here’s a glimpse at their review line-up. First at the bat, Questionable Content, which got a 9.5 out of 10:

First off, what makes Questionable Content (QC) my favorite webcomic?

I’d say it’s my great love of quirk. You’re talking about the person who adores Pushing Daisies, Juno, and Firefly/Serenity. I ♥ quirk. QC is is a quirky, webcomic version of Friends. It’s also set in an alternate reality, one where computers walk around, interact with their owners, and have Roomba chariot races. Scientists live in space stations and people can dress up in Victorian costumes at their local bar. Squirrels also play a part . . . What’s not to love?

I personally am not a huge QC fan, perhaps because I am not that huge a fan of quirk, though the few strips I’ve seen were enjoyable enough. (The ones that prominently feature Hannelore are easily better than Faye or Martin-centric ones.) Anyway, if you’ve ever wanted to give Questionable Content a try, check out their review to see the perspective from one of Jeph Jacques’ fans.

This October: El Santo vs. The Vampire Women

My namesake, the legendary luchador El Santo — a.k.a. Rodolfo Guzmán Huerta, a.k.a. el Enmascarado de Plata, a.k.a. Samson — made himself world famous by taking on not only world class wrestlers like Blue Demon and Gory Guerrero, but also a wide assortment of colorful yet malevolent foes whose talents lay beyond those required in the squared circle and into the realms of the criminal underworld, the supernatural, the otherworldly, and karate expertise.

Just look at this filmography and marvel at the depth of his opponents:

Zombies.

The Diabolical Brain.

The King of Crime.

The Mafia of Vice.

Witches.

Frankenstein’s daughter.

Karate Experts.

The Martian Invasion.

The Killers from Other Worlds.

That’s a lot of work for a humble wrestler! I mean, sure, if The Rock or Bret Hart had to face The King of Crime, Martians, and/or Karate Experts, I’m sure they’d totally People’s Elbow and/or Sharpshooter these jabronis into defeat … but they can’t beat this incredible track record. That’s what makes El Santo the Greatest Wrestler In The World.

His most famous foes by far, though, were The Vampire Women. This is the one where vampire women manage to capture and almost unmask our hero when they are single-handedly defeated by a unlikely tag team partner: sunlight. After which El Santo heroically picks up a torch and burns a bunch of sleeping women their deaths. Yeah. But, hey, dude’s got a kickass Jaguar.

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So, in honor of my namesake, I shall be doing the same. As El Santo once fought the Vampire Women, I, the webcomic reviewer El Santo, shall be taking on the Vampire Women webcomics.

October is the month of El Santo vs. The Vampire Women.

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I’ll be start the vampire hunt with three webcomics prominently featuring female vampires: Eerie Cuties, School Bites, and Annyseed. Not to worry… El Santo will save you from the vampire women! If you know of any other webcomics featuring vampire women, please contact the proper authorities by posting a link in the comments section and we’ll try to send a licensed vampire hunter right away.

NOTE: fanfiction prominently featuring Edward Cullen are not welcome. What is this, El Santo vs. The Vampire MEN? However, if said fanfiction’s main character is a vampire woman who is in love with Edward Cullen, we will consider it pending board review.