El Santo vs. The Vampire Women: School Bites

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Names carry with them the heavy weight of expectations. Say your name is Charlotte Webb, like the heroine of School Bites. Surely you should be spending your days hanging around in the rafters of some barnyard and spinning words like “radiant” or “some pig.” Not so with Charlotte. Perhaps that was her destiny, but it all changed that fateful day she she found out she was a vampire.

This may be why she changes her name to Cherri Creeper. Sure, it still sounds like she should be a rollergirl with the Yakima Valley Vixens instead, but it can passably be a vampire’s name, too. Plus she’s got a cherry embroidered in her t-shirt. That counts for something.

Speaking of names, School Bites is written by Holly Golightly, who by all rights should be a Bond Girl rather than a comic book creator. I was delighted to find out that Ms. Golightly already had a few comics in print, most with gothic overtones: Nightmare Theatre, Archie Comics’ Sabrina, and Vampfire. When not drawing comic books, she’s apparently living the life and dressing up in skull tees like a real life Abby Scuito (and I think I just might get my ass kicked with that last comment). According to her site, Ms. Golightly also likes to be referred to as “Holly G”, which I won’t be using in this review unless it’s preceded with “The Divine.”

Personal preferences.

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Vampire Cherri wakes up in the alley to the horror — or more accurately, mild discomfort — that she has some blood in her mouth. The feeling passes when she discovers that she’s a vampire. About twenty years ago, this would be followed by angst and moaning over the accursedness of being the undead. This is the 21st Century, though, and Lore Sjoberg’s bold prediction of the appearance of “airbrushed posters of sad vampires in Wal-Marts everywhere” has, thanks to Stephenie Meyer, since been fulfilled. Cherri is, in fact, rather intrigued and stoked about her vampirism … and judging from her facial expressions, more than a little stimulated.

And why not? Vampirism in School Bites comes with a buffet of perks. You get your own pet bat, a pair of leathery wings, and for some reason, elf ears. Which makes me wonder why she assumed she was a vampire rather than, say, a harpy or a succubus or a World of Warcraft night elf.

Her transformation also attracts the notice of a vampire who seems to have gotten lost on the way to MatrixCon. Surprisingly, it turns out that this vampire is a dude. This must be one of those bishonen types I hear so much about. The character profile identifies him as Professor Seraphis profile: “The Dark Angel that teaches History of Vampires. Usually his class is too busy drooling over his gorgeousness to learn anything.”

Squee!

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It can be no coincidence that Marvel also introduced an X-Men manga where Magneto is a sexy professor who has a class too busy drooling over his gorgeousness to learn anything. Someone should take these dudes aside and say, “Mind if you take the gorgeousness down a bit? Perhaps skip the blush and eye shadow today? I mean, you look dead sexy, but we’re a little concerned we might lose our accreditation with all the young girls thrusting themselves at you rather than learning their lessons like they’re supposed to.”

Cherry gets invited to join Shadow Academy, whose exterior suspiciously looks like a cardboard standee for tourists. Shadow Academy is an equal opportunity school, with eye candy for both the girls and the boys. While the gals get to drool over Prof. Seraphis, the boys will be delighted to find out that the lady teachers all look like sexy librarians.

Interestingly, student orientation apparently involves losing all your clothes and going completely starkers (link NSFW). As with all things vampire, Cherri finds this experience to be rather exhilarating. At this point, I should inform you that Ms. Golightly’s husband is none other than comic veteran Jim Balent. Many of you may know him as the creator of the cheesecakey Tarot (whose oft naked title character is, incidentally, modeled after Ms. Golightly). Personally, El Santo fondly remembers his artistic run on the Catwoman comic, where Ms. Kyle wore a practically painted on outfit and her boobs were approvingly prominent and statuesque.

Wait, where was I?

Ah yes, initiation by nudity. By the way, dear readers, don’t worry about Cherri’s clothes. The Divine Miss Holly G explains quite nicely that her clothes get stored into a secure safety deposit box. Seriously, if that glaring plot hole wasn’t explained, I wasn’t sure if I could keep on reading this webcomic.

As we catch up to the current strip (as of October 6), we discover that Cherri is very excited to start school, especially after finding out that tuition is free. However, her dreams are somewhat tempered when she discovers that they have to wear uniforms. Uniforms are totes lame! I haven’t glimpsed those outfits yet, but I predict they’re something along the lines of the “naughty Catholic schoolgirl” variety with a 100% chance of the skirts being very, very short.

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Notable contributions to the vampire woman genre:

Lady vampires seem to have heart shaped pubes (link NSFW).

Memorable quotes:

Cherri: “I’m a… I’m a… Vampire! Kewl!”

Important Life Lessons:

If you ever find yourself wearing a scantily clad outfit and waking from unconsciousness in a dark, dirty alley in the middle of the night while blood pours out of your mouth, it may be the first sign that there are great things in store for you in your future.


El Santo’s predictions for where this story will go in the span of a year:

Meeting Professor Seraphis face to face, finally, and drooling over his gorgeousness. Also, given the intimate nature of the school initiation sequence, a special episode about the importance of getting yearly mammograms is not out of the question.

About El Santo

Somehow ended up reading and reviewing almost 300 different webcomics. Life is funny, huh? Despite owning two masks, is not actually a luchador.

Posted on October 7, 2009, in adventure webcomic, anime, comedy webcomic, El Santo vs the Vampire Women, fanservice, gothic, manga style webcomic, The Webcomic Overlook, webcomics and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Great. Another standard moe manga vampire comic. Seems like a mashup of Rosario+Vampire and Chibi Vampire. I bet all the people that want Polanski released are moe fetishists.

    Haven’t you seen Nosferatu? Vampires have pointy ears. Also, you can easily identify them as not human. Or at least those were my excuses.

    Holly Golightly is the heroine of Capote’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s. That ruins it as a Bond Girl name for me. Audrey Hepburn FTW.

    • OK, but have you ever seen a girl Nosferatu? I don’t think there were every any girl Nosferatus. They’re always icky old dudes.

      Also, missed the Breakfast at Tiffany’s reference. However, Audrey Hepburn would’ve made an awesome Bond girl so there.

  2. This webcomic isss sooooo baaaaaaaad. D; gghhgawd.

  3. Er, allow me to butt in here, a bit.
    The protagonist would assume she’s a vampire since harpies have feathered wings, succubi tend to have cloven hooves & feed on souls/spirit/lifeforce/whatever, and nightelves do not have fangs. She can be fairly certain she’s not a vampiric nightelf as well, since such creatures would surely feed exclusively on tree sap.

    Also, about girl nosferatu; ever played Bloodlines?
    If not, here you go: http://gamebanshee.com/showshot.php?/screenshots/vampirebloodlines/conceptart/screenshot91.jpg

    Clearly nosferatu, clearly female.

    • Truly your expertise in vampires, succubi,harpies, and nightelves is unparalleled. I hope you stick around for the rest of “El Santo vs. The Vampire Women” month. :)

      • Can’t promise I’ll have too much interesting to say, but I do intend to see what comes of it.
        After all, how could one resist a series called El Santo vs. the Vampire Women.
        Calls up images that would be right at home in a Tarantino movie.

  4. First off Gracias El Santo
    for a lovely article and your fun & colourful blog!
    XXOOO

    Hell-lo Clueless (referring to Greg and other snarky blokes)

    First off Chibi Vampire was released in 2005..I created and published mine 2004 : P- never saw Rosairo…my vampire come from a mythology I created back in 1996…

    before I was a comicbook artist -I myself was school teacher- Pre-k-and would have givin’ time out for
    silly behavior..

    Yes – you’ll see some gal Nosferatu..

    and my Mom named me Holly Golightly…it was either that- Rema the Bird Girl or Pepper ( from Ironman- my dad’s fav comic)
    excuse: I was born during the 60s in NYC to a Fashion Model Mom and a chemical engineer Daddy…

    oh I would’ve sparked back sooner but i was drawing and doin comicbook things
    Later Lovelies!

  5. Why is the reviewer calling himself El Santo and the pictures of the Luchadore at the top of the page are of the Blue Demon?….

    • I’ve mentioned it elsewhere, but the real reason is because I’ve been using the “El Santo” handle on several message boards online, but I only own a Blue Demon mask … which I purchased to wear at a football game since one of the team’s colors are blue. (Clever me! Until I noticed later that I wasn’t the only one with that same idea.)

      So I’ve had to live this dichotomy: use the El Santo handle, post pictures of the Blue Demon. HOWEVER, I find that it’s a great way to filter out which readers know their luchadors. :)

  1. Pingback: Reviews, interviews, and free advice | Paperless Comics

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